Dr. Steve Meets Peter Parker

While Rant-Man was toying with Dr. Steve, he forwarded the original solicitation to his Monkey Spit partner, Craig Kemper, who chose to do a little Spider-Man roleplay…



Dear Sir,
I am DR. MICHAEL STEVE, an accountant with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). My position is very sensitive. I am married with children and holds degree in Accountancy and Business Studies. I am due for retirement any moment from now, after many years in service. I require urgently you unreserved assistance in providing me with safe and reliable BANK ACCOUNT with full details viz: Name and Address of the Bank, telephone and fax numbers of the Bank including the Beneficiary’s name anywhere in the World where I can transfer the sum of USD$35.5 Million only. The purpose of the transfer is to take care of my retirement by investing in variable business your might deem fit to advise.
Since the inception of the present Government, series of contracts have been awarded, based on this, the above sum (USD$35.5million) has shown in record as surplus of some of the over-invoiced contracts carried out in the last developmental quarter. Presently, I have arranged for the money to be kept in a coded bank account the with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) until I am able to source for a reliable Expatriate partner whom I can present as the Beneficiary of the funds. You will take the status of the contractor who executed the contract and I will arrange the supportive documents for the transfer.
35% will go to you for making available to us a company or personal Bank Account Number, giving me your unreserved assistance and keeping strictly the rules of this transaction until transfer of the funds is effected 5% is for any contingencies and all miscellaneous expenses incurred during the course of the transaction, procurement of vital documents, tips and all expenses including telephone/fax bills, taxes and bank charges must be reconciled upon confirmation of the payment by the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). 60% will be shares between me and few colleagues whose help will be highly needed throughout this period in question.
Everything about this transaction is real, the money is Clean, after putting in so many years in service, it is only normal for me to take good measures to secure my period in retirement. I have put in resources and time to bring this transaction to this level, which means that it represents a lot to me and hopefully with help from you, in just a matter of weeks, it shall come to mean a lot to you too as we meet in your country to celebrate to enable us commence effective process to finalize this matter.
Thanking you for anticipated co-operation.
Yours sincerely,




Dr. Steve!
Thank you so much for writing me! I have been looking for an opportunity to earn a little extra cash. My job as a freelance photographer barely covers the bills, and my night job costs more in expenses than it brings in. I have a wife to support. Her name is Mary Jane. Maybe you’ve seen her in magazines, as she is a fashion model. I also have a frail, sickly Aunt. Her name is May. I stand to earn a large sum of inheritance once she moves on…if you get my meaning. Anyway, I am very interested in hearing more about this deal. I must know that this venture is clean and honorable, as I’m a very honorable man, and I wouldn’t want to assoicate myself with deviant behavior.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Your future business partner,

Peter Parker



Dear Friend,
Thanks for your message and the contents were well understood. Your interest and co-operation to carry out this business with me is highly appreciated, keep it up. This business is very clean and risk free. I have served my Country for many years, therefore, I would not like to engage myself in any business that will put me or any other person in trouble. If the business is not honourable,I will not introduce it to you, but all that is required from you is to ensure that CONFIDENTIAL aspect of it are kept and dont discuss the business with another person to avoid anything that will disrupt the easy transfer of the fund. I will send a copy of my passport to you and I will expect you to send yours to me so that our relationship will be duly established.As a matter of fact, I hope that you must have studied the contents of my proposal very carefully and understood my plight, therefore, I wish that we should proceed in Harmony, sincerity and trustworthiness in this business. First of all, before I start giving you more dedtails, I need to know the following information from you
(1) Do you have bank account in your Country or any other Country where the USD$35.5M can be deposited ?.
(2)Do you have a Company of your own and if so, what is the nature of your Company and how many people are on your employment? , but If you are an employee of a Company, what is your position in the Company?.
(3) What is your age and are you married?.
NOTE: I am sorry for the embrassment my questions might cause to you, but this business is not for a less privelleged Person, so I need to know the capacity of whom I am dealing with, to be sure that he is capable of handling the amount involved in this transaction. As soon as I receive answers to this questions, I will give you more details on how we should proceed. Please, give me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication, your mobile phone number is also very necessary.
You can always reach me on telephone number 00 234-1-7754429 and you can send a copy of your international passport to my fax number 00 234-1-7595746 and I will send mine to you as soon as I receive your urgent message.
Thanks and God Bless.
Yours Faithfully,



Dr. Steve,
It is very good to hear from you. I was afraid you were not going to answer. Sometimes I have a hard time getting the information I need from people, mainly due to the fact that my night job requires that my voice be muffled most of the time. I must tell you though, my mouth sometimes gets me in trouble. I’m quite the wise cracker. Even my wife gets angry at me sometimes. Just yesterday, we were coloring Easter eggs. I was writing secret words with a white crayon on one egg, and then put it in the blue dye. When she took it out and read it, she almost hit me! The egg said, “I am an unborn chick who will never be born. Eat me cruel human.” My wife, Mary Jane (MJ for short) had the fire of Hades in her eyes. She thinks Easter should be cute and cuddly, but I say nay!
Anyway, I thought it was funny. Don’t you?
I’m glad to hear that this business is very clean and risk free. I pride myself on protecting my community, even if my boss thinks I’m a no good so and so. I’m moving up in the company though, and I have my sticky fingers on the pulse of the business. I work for a major metropolitan newspaper, The Daily Bugle, and I must say, I am the heart of the company. Heck, without me, the newspaper would just be words! I’m out there every day, busting my hump, getting pictures of the city’s filth, and its saviors. If there’s anything going on in the city, I know about it! Once there was this guy calling himself the Beyonder, and the crap really hit the fan back then. But no worries, you can’t really expect a guy in a white disco suit to stay in power for too long. But I digress.
I will now endeavor to answer your questions to the best of my abilities, because the gist of your inquires were received and were well understood.
1) I do have a bank account!
2) I work for one company, and in addition, I have a side business I work on at night. It’s a great little side project. I get to help people, vent my aggressions, and practice my new material. It sucks when it rains though. But I do have my own uniform! My wife thinks it’s sexy. She says it hugs my butt like two blanketed squirrels making sweet sweet love beneath the moonlight. Have you ever sat on a rooftop in the moonlight? That’s probably one of the nicest perks of my job. That is until my senses tell me there’s work to be done! No rest for the weary!
3) I’m actually younger than most people think. Some people think I’ve been around forever, but in terms of relevance, I’m 29 years old. And yes, I’m married. Remember, I told you in my first email? Her name is Mary Jane, and she’s a fashion model. Perhaps you’ve seen her in magazines. And before you ask, yes, she’s a real redhead.
I must ask, why is this business not meant for a less privellege person? Not that I am less privelledged, but just for the sake of argument, aren’t you sending me money? I’d sure like to use that $35.5M to help out in my fair city.
I look forward to hearing from you Dr. Steve. Oh, I forgot to ask. What exactly are you a doctor of? I know a few doctors. Dr. Conners, Dr. Octavius, and Dr. Doom. So it’s nice to know there’s another doctor I can call upon if I ever need help!
Write back soon!



ATTN:MR Peter Parker,
Dear Friend,
I am in receipt of your message of 19th April 2003 and the contents were well understood. Now that you have answered my questions and I am satisfied with it, then we can proceed with our transaction. What I want you to forward to me is your full address, telephone and fax numbers including your full bank information, i.e, Name of Bank, its address, Bank account Number, the Beneficiary’s name, telephone and fax numbers of the Bank respectively, including swift/sorting Code (if any). These are the necessary information(s) required to start the processing of the Documentary Approvals for the payment of the fund to your nominated Bank account. The Approvals are to be secured from our Federal Ministries here/Transfer Agencies and the Apex Bank of Nigeria. I will always furnish you with the documents as soon as there are secured here.
NOTE: What I mean by saying that the business is not meant for a less privileged person is this, I don’t want to engage the business in any untrustworthy person who will not consider his conscience when the money comes his way, you know what I mean!, also anybody who doesn’t have bank information or afford to make a telephone call to me incase of urgent matters and when little finances are involved.
I have Doctorate Degree in Accountancy and Business Administration, so I am not a Medical Doctor . This business has been arranged to be completed in Five working days as soon as I receive the above required information from you, therefore, I urge you to forward the requested information to me as soon as you receive this message. Also, don’t forget to enclose a copy of your international passport when sending a reply to me, you can attach a copy of it through your E-mail Box or send it to my fax number 00 234-1-7595746. I will as well send mine to you as soon as I receive your response to that effect.
If you need further clarification, you can always reach me on my direct telephone number 00 234-1-7754429 at any time.
Thanks and God Bless.
Yours Faithfully,



Dr. Steve,
Thank you for your quick response! How was your Easter? Mine started out great! In my Easter basket I found a one month supply of chemicals for my night job requirements, a butt load of Butterfingers, and a pair of Superman underwear! I’m a big fan of Superman. Do you like Superman, or comic books in general? I’d like to think we’re on the same wavelength here Dr. Steve, as I’d feel a lot more comfortable about our business dealings if we were of like minds. My Uncle Ben always said, “With like minds, comes great profitability.” He’s dead now, but that’s another story. My dear old Aunt May always says, “Mashed yams make me horny.” But she’s crazy, so take that with a grain of salt. Anyway, as I was saying, Easter started out great, but then things turned for the worse.
Eddie Brock, a competitor of mine at the newspaper, paid a visit. Or should I say, his best friend did. You might say they’re inseperable. His friend sticks to him like a second skin, that’s how freaking tight the two of them are! Anyway, they jump me right after Mary Jane and I left Aunt May’s house. We were having Easter dinner over there. The food was fantastic! But I didn’t touch the yams. Where was I? Oh yeah, Brock and company attack me outa nowhere! I would’ve been dead if it were for my abilities. Tell me Dr. Steve, do you have any special talents that you keep secret from people? You know, something that makes you special? You can tell me, we’re friends after all, aren’t we? So as I was saying, I had to kick a little butt today, but luckily I had my uniform with me, so all was good. I must say, I was styling and profiling. Mary Jane was watching, and she always gets a little randy after watching me work, so I’m expecting a little something something in the bedroom tonight, if you know know what I mean!
So that was my day! Could you tell me about your Easter? I’d really like to know you a little better before we proceed. I feel as if I’ve told you quite a bit about myself, but I know next to nothing about you. I’m not feeling the love between us yet, Dr. Steve, and that’s something I need to feel comfortable with this transaction.
I look forward to hearing from you soon!



ATTN: MR Peter Parker.
Dear Friend,
I am in receipt of your message of 20th April 2003 and the contents were well understood. Fine!, I really enjoyed my Easter Holiday with my Family as you asked, We went Church yesterday Sunday and went to Beach today for relaxation, infact, it was a pleasant holiday.
The slight difference in us could be our Profession, because I am always occupied with counting figures and not like you that is always having your funs and jokes. Like you requested, I will as well give you details of myself again, though it was sent in my first proposal letter to you. I am Dr Michael Steve, an accountant Staff with Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), I am 35 years old, married to Mrs Lucy Steve, a lecturer with our Higher College of Education here and we are blessed with three kids, two boys and a girl. I am from the Southern part of Nigeria called River state and I hold Doctorate Degree in Accountancy and Business Administration.
If you need further information about me, please don’t hesitate to call me on my direct telephone number 00 234-1-7754429. This is all I can give you at the moment, therefore, I urge you to forward to me all the required information to me as was detailed in my last E-mail message to you so that we can start the business immediately because time is no more on our side.
I will be looking forward to your urgent response.
Thanks and God Bless.
Yours Faithfully,
Dr Michael Steve.



Dr. Steve,
I am so glad to hear you had such a wonderful holiday! As I stated before, mine had its ups and downs, but ended well thanks to Mary Jane and her willingness to go up and down. Now we must discuss business. I told Mary Jane about your offer. I had to tell her, as our account is shared equally between us. She is not as excited about the idea as I am. She’s going to need some convincing, as she does not believe you are revealing all the details of the transaction before we provide you with our valuable bank info and such. To make my beautiful maiden happy, we’re going to need you to tell us up front what you will need from us after we send you the vital information. Also, Mary Jane would like a picture of you. She is willing to send one of herself in return, if you are kind enough to grace us with your image. She wants to know there is a real person on the other end of this email, and not some lonely crook, sitting at his computer all day, preying on the stupidity of foolish people. Dr. Steve, I am on your side. I think you’re a good man. I have a sense for these kinds of things. I do think you need to lighten up a little, if you don’t mind me saying so. You seem a little uptight. Loosen that tie! Take off your shoes! I’m sure you have an office, so nobody will know. Maybe your secretary can rub your shoulders, to ease your tension from the constant mental pain you must be under from trying to export this large sum of money before it’s too late. I worry about you, Dr. Steve. You’re going to give yourself an ulcer, and we certainly don’t want you getting ill. Think of poor Lucy, and the kids! How bout you tell me a few of your favorite jokes, in addition to the information Mary Jane requested. I know there’s a Mr. Happy Pants just waiting to be let loose in you!
Please respond soon, with a picture! And a joke!



Dear Peter,

How are you today and your family? I hope they were all fine.Anywhere, your mail which i received 21 of April were clearly understood.

Infact, I have explianed much about myself and i also told you that i will send you me attachment of my international passport as soon as you furnished me the neccessary required from you.Please we don’t need wasting much time because time does not wait for somebody ok.

So, if you know you are going to help me out in this transaction, please send me the necessary information now ok,or I have to look for somebody else.

This business is 100$ risk free you don’t need to have any bias mind, and too, all the necessary document regards to this transaction is going to be obtain thruogh our variouse ministry here in my country.There is nothing hiding.

I will be looking for your possitive response or i look for someone else.Please extend my greeting to your wife ok.

Thanks and God bless.
Best regards.



Dr. Steve,
Thank you for asking about me and my family. We are just fine. Actually, we’re better than fine! We just received an email today from someone else in Nigeria. And get this, they’re offering 87.5 million dollars, and we get to keep 60% of it. Obviously, this is a much better deal than you are offering, and this gentleman has provided a picture and documentation of himself to ease our fears. Now Michael, may I call you Michael? Or Mikey? You can call me Petey. Anyway Mikey, I feel a certain kinship to you. All the things we’ve been through, the secrets we’ve shared. Heck, I was even going to share a sexy picture of Mary Jane just because we’re so close! So, even though this other offer is better, I’d still be willing to go with you, as we have an unbreakable bond. We’re like brothers across the sea, you and I. I’d give you the shirt off my back, if you needed it. It’s no big thing, as I’m always wearing my uniform underneath. However Mikey, we’re going to need the same kind of cooperation from you as we’re getting from this other kind soul. All we require is some visual proof of who you are. That’s no big deal, right? After all, we’re going to provide reams of info to you. I look forward to hearing a positive response from you!
Make mine Marvel,



Dear Peter,

How are you today? i hope all is well. Infact, i send you mail today which i have not receieve any information from you or you are now dealing with the people? please let me tell you as a christain, if you continue this business with them you finally put your self in problem.

Thanks and God bless.




Sorry to have taken so long to get back to you. I had several things to do. I had to do some laundry, patch some holes in my costume, stop a few crimes. You know, the usual.

Since I am still waiting for you to provide the information and picture I’ve requested, let me ask you a question. Why do you think this other offer is so bad? It sounds very similar to your offer, so explain to me why this offer is bad, and your offer is good. Mary Jane and I are very interested in your answers.

Please respond quickly, as I am still considering the other offer.




Dear Friend,
Thanks for your immediate response of my mail and how is life generally include your beloved wife mary jane? i hope they were all fine.

Please i what you to listing very attentively because i will not like you to fall into the hands of enemy ok. So, regards to your question,will send you my internationall passport by tomorrow but if you fell you are satisfy with the socall people here in Nigeria you can deal with them ok because i will not like in situation whereby i will be having problem when the money gets into your account ok. Let me tell you i am a born again christain and i will not like any thing that will make you to fall victin.

So, tell me now if you are still going to deal with them or not so that i will know if i can send you my international passpor and my address or not.
I will be waiting to hear from you.




As I’ve stated before, my decision on whether to go with your offer versus the better offer is solely based on if you provide your photo and whatever information I see fit in requiring from you. The other party has been more than willing to come up with whatever information I’ve requested. Plus, I even got him to tell me a joke! Mikey, the ball is in your court. If you are truly interested in working with me, you will prove it through your actions.

Your everlovin’,




Dear Peter,

Thanks for your email response of taday dated 24th of April 2003. The contents were clearly noted and well understood. I have sent you my international passport you can now know that I am a true man of God, but I’m afraid of the situation of things because now we are to start this business, I will need your trustworthy and confidentiality.

This is my address:

TEL: 234-1-7754429
FAX: 234-1-7595746

Thanks and God bless.

Please extend my greetings to your family.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Michael steve




And to think I thought you didn’t have a sense of humor! You are a funny funny man, Dr. Steve! Your passport is probably the worst fake I’ve ever seen. I brought it down to the photo processing boys at the newspaper, and they nearly pissed themselves at how bad it was. What a great joke, Mikey! Congratulations! You make me laugh!

Now, would you please send your real passport photo, so we can conclude this business?

Your hunka hunka burnin’ love,




Are you there? I thought we were going to do business? I must admit, your joke was pretty funny. But I am worried that you haven’t written me back in several days. Please respond. I miss you, like I could miss no other.




Damn. Lost another one.

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